Who are "THEY"?

Early in August of 2000 when I began informing a select few of my friends of my diagnosis and then eventually others, I noticed a repeated question that came back to me as a fairly common response, "What are THEY going to do?" THEY, of course, is the traditional medical community / business establishment.

I was struck by this question and how often it occurred in exactly the same way. I thought about it a lot. I hadn't noticed this so much before in my life but then I had never announced anything before that sent the fear of death through everyone's mind so quickly. In that awful emotional moment when no one has an answer, everyone deferred to the "doctor." Apparently even if you die it's all right as long as the doctor comes out and explains, "There was nothing we could do." He is the final authority on the matter, and we are relieved.

During my morning walks recently I reflected upon this phrase and its social meaning. I realized that as a people within our society we are conditioned to think this way from childhood. With every small injury and illness we are brought to a doctor where we plaintively say, "Fix it." All of our lives we do this. Even on television advertisers tell us how many "doctors" recommend something, indicating the validity of our purchase, because doctors say it's OK. The authority is always given to the medical doctor. "They" have the power. In fact, if we don't follow their advice we are criticized and dishonored. We are made "bad." Our medical charts contain terms such as AMA (against medical advice), and it is done at our expense. We are scolded. We are outcasts and unworthy simply because we refused to blindly obey traditional medical advice. So I came to understand the normal reflex question, "What are they going to do?" It's socially expensive to behave out of the herd.

On one of these days while I was hiking as part of my own inspiration and cure, I had an epiphany about this. I realized with great clarity my options about this. It's not about being disobedient, it's about accepting the sole responsibility for your life, particularly the physical health of it. In the end it's up to me. In the reality of learning more about my disease and the fact that science and medicine cannot cure me of it, I am released from their domination of solutions. If it were as clear as taking a pill and it would go away I might see it differently. But it isn't. The insecure, uncharted, and exhilarating choices are mine. And even though the radiologist recommends radiology and the surgeon recommends radical surgery, and so forth, in each case certain things are true and apparent. Each professional can only do what he/she has been taught and none of them cure anything. And in each case each "professional" makes a lot of money if I take their advice. Yet none of them can assure me of a better quality of life, nor a longer life. Nor will any of them provide me with data regarding the lives of any of their previous patients. And, they all say at the end of their presentation, "It's up to you," followed quickly with a reminder that "you must get treatment or you will die" expressed and cloaked in medical jargon. To me they are fear merchants, with a profit motive.

My rationale became conviction after I met several other men and families in the cancer support group who have been down this road already.

Without naming names let me tell you about a widow I spoke with who's husband recently died of cancer. His situation began as prostate cancer several years before. He took his doctor's advice and accepted surgery and radiation. The side affects were brutal. Besides the painful recovery he was to discover impotence, and incontinence of both bowel and bladder, something so humiliating and uncontrollable it removed him from gregarious living. And in spite of this "treatment," his cancer returned in other organs within five years and it cost him his life. His wife reported to me his complete disgust with his medical treatment and as he spent his last dying weeks in the hospital he indicated to her that, "If he had known from the beginning how this was going to turn out, he was going to die anyway in the same painful way, he would have chosen to do nothing at the beginning. At least he would have enjoyed 7 or 8 robust years without the expense and the pain and degrading affects of his treatment." I've listened to several similar stories like this these past few months.

Last week while I was having lunch at a local restaurant the waitress came by and voluntarily filled my coffee cup before I could wave her off. She is aware of my diagnosis and she immediately showed remorse and blurted out, "Oh, do THEY have you off coffee?" Everything I've just stated crashed through my mind and I smiled and said, "Who are they?"