After I've discussed my diagnosis with people I am then asked, "What are you going to do?"

Once again, I am stopped in my tracks. I've been asked this question many times now. It is a normal question and I understand the context. But my mind plays with the syntax. It's how we think in this society, especially about our health. If we DO something we will get better. Advertising, and indeed our doctors, tell us at every inconvenience to take a pill or drug, drink a fluid, increase your exercise, etc. We are conditioned to increase the material in our lives, to do more. Add something. What I am learning about cancer and disease in my life is just the reverse. I've become aware of the process of "undoing." In the literature and healing tapes from Dr.. Schulze he gives this advice, "Throw away or give away one half of all of your possessions! Bury them before they bury you." When you think about it, from the very first day we begin to live our adult lives we begin to acquire things. Our first car. Our first home, boat, bar-b-que, and so on. Then it's our second car, bigger in some way. Advertising and our society's materialism press us on and we live to acquire. We also acquire a lot of debt. And worse, we acquire this insidious internal stress that burdens us more than we know. Our usual solution to this gnawing in our stomach is to feed it richer foods and surround it with extraneous body fat that only serves to perpetuate the illusion that getting bigger is getting better. More of everything is a sign of maturity and progress, right? From the first time in our lives as children when a relative throws a fuss over our growth we understand that to get bigger is a good thing. Approval. Self improvement. So the pressure to be more, get more and do more is instilled. And we deny the natural contradictions we sense as we do this. So, what are we going to do?"

In my case I began to adopt an attitude of "undoing," as a rationale for my choices. This can be a semantics game, I know, but in my case it contributed to my state of mind, which I perceive as part of my cure. Lightening up. Dropping ballast became a priority. Since my diagnosis was precipitated by two small heart episodes, stress related, my understanding of the situation was very motivating. Economy is my doctrine. If it doesn't make me feel better, I eliminate it. I'm giving things away at a rapid rate. I'm also discarding just as fast.

My time in meditation is spent doing an inventory of my habits. Peeling back the layers of costly patterns is my focus. I needed to know where I went wrong. The material that I am recording herein is the result of my process. It will be of benefit to some I believe. It will not be the answer for others. It will be too severe. But this is the point. Some people receive radiation or chemotherapy treatment for their cancers and survive. Some die from the weakness brought on by the treatment. In each case the difference seems to lie within the individual, their immune system, their resiliance, their will to live (faith) and their ability to change. Certainly in each case, the medical establishment did what they were trained to do with limitations but regarding survivability the real power lies within the patient. The doctor can but watch with the rest of us after exhausting his training. Less is more.